- Never rush those grieving.
- Don't push those grieving to "get it all out" or express their grief. (Everyone grieves in their own time.)
- There doesn't always have to be a lesson such as "The Lord has something more in store," or "The Lord must have needed him more than we did." (Most people probably know this stuff, but at the moment, they may just want to grieve.
- Don't say, "If you need anything, let me know." Grieving individuals are often too overwhelmed to think of things for you to do. Instead say, "I want to help share your burden. Would it be helpful if I were to ..."
- Don't let your discomfort keep you from helping, calling, or visiting! (I really like this one because I have felt this way in the past with others. I don't think I will feel the discomfort again.)
- If you're not good with words at times like this, don't use them. A simple hug goes a long way in conveying your sorrow and serving as some comfort at a difficult time. (I totally agree with this one!)
- Be available to just listen. (I have found this has helped me. I have some great listeners who ask me questions about Lucas. They're not worried about hurting my feelings because they have seen that it helps me to talk about him.)
15 April 2011
Dealing, Coping, Existing, Grieving
It has been five weeks, five days, and almost 12 hours since "THE PHONE CALL". Not a day has gone by that I haven't struggled to contain my emotions. Not a day has gone by that I haven't looked at pictures. Not a day has gone by that I haven't expected someone to say it didn't happen. Most days, I can deal with things pretty well. Some days I barely cope while other days feel like I am just existing. Throughout all of it, I grieve. Today, one of our teachers brought in her twin babies. I was excited to see them and wanted to hold them. All of a sudden, the tears began and I had to escape to avoid losing control in the school lobby. So, I ran away to my classroom. While trying to settle myself down before the next round of students came in (thankfully it was lunchtime), I stumbled onto this website, on grieving and comfort. I really like some of the suggestions and thought I'd pass them along, not so that others can comfort me or feel sorry for me, but so that anyone who feels as awkward as I do around others who are grieving can have some help in comforting or being around someone who has experienced loss. From the website... (My thoughts are those that look like this.)
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A hug does go a very long way, but make sure the hug doesn't last five minutes! ;) It just gets awkward and uncomfortable standing in that position and having your noses in each others ears for more than a few seconds.
ReplyDeleteI really like the last one. Just listen. Don't expect the person to talk a lot, sometimes they don't feel like talking. But I love talking about Lucas - his life, his smile, his screaming, funny little quirks he had, the struggles we had with him and his heart defect, even talking about the day he died can be good sometimes. Don't be afraid to ask questions, but also don't push for information if the person doesn't want to talk about something.
...just thought I would add my two cents. Grieving is a funny thing that we all have to do in our own way and on our own time frame.
I am just sitting here crying. I get so frustrated sometimes with my two little guys. Hearing about Lucas makes me have more patience with my kids cause you never know when they will be called home.
ReplyDeleteGrieving is a beast of its own. My mother in law passed away 3 1/2 years ago of cancer. She was so young, just 48, and I am still grieving for her. There is a little ache and sadness at every holiday and event, just missing her. But I don't want that to go away because I want to remember her and make sure that my kids know about Grandma Kaye.
Anyway, I have rambled enough. Press forward! :)