Bucket List

I am extremely attention deficit lately. Maybe because I have so many things on my mind. So, I found myself staring at my bulletin board in my classroom -- my personal bucket list. I began the school year with the students creating their own bucket lists. I thought it would be a good way to talk about goals and setting attainable ones. None of my goals are so out of reach that they can't be accomplished, but they do require time and money. As I wrote them, though, I thought about things I would have once enjoyed doing, but now there is no way I would -- things like willingly jumping out of an airplane. Not happening in this lifetime unless I'm seriously jumping for my life. Then I like thinking about things that I've always wanted and finally achieved numerous times -- things like owning a black cocker spaniel or attending a Broadway musical. Cool stuff!

So, here's my list. I think I'll add to it as I think of new things. I'm also including stuff that I've accomplished that I always wanted to do. This is a work in progress!
1. Pick a pineapple to eat
2. Travel to all 50 states -- Airports don't count (Alaska, Washington, California, Oregon, Idaho, Montana, Arizona, Nevada, Utah, Colorado, Wyoming, New Mexico, Vermont, Connecticut, New York, New Jersey, Delaware, Maryland, Virginia, Rhode Island, Pennsylvania, Alabama, Georgia, Pennsylvania, Massachusetts)
3. Attend a Broadway play (Phantom of the Opera, Miss Saigon, Mama Mia!)
4. Climb to King's Peak (in Utah's Uintas)
5. Go snorkling in the Caribbean
6. Explore the Mayan ruins
7. Stand in the center of Stonehenge
8. Write a novel
9. Catch a king crab
10. Graduate from college
11. Own a black cocker spaniel (Chauncey P. Radcliffe, Baylee, Sadie)
12. Travel to Scotland
13. Be at Prudhoe Bay at the Summer Solstice
14. Visit 50 LDS temples
15. Drive the Al-Can Highway (5 times now!)
16. Learn a foreign language
17. Grow a sunflower in Alaska (I did it this past summer!)
18. Own my own library (I count North Summit's library as my own! 7 years)
19. Read the Book of Mormon (I think I'm on my sixth time now)
20. Read the Old Testament
21. Pet a koala in Australia
22. Take a photography class
23. Earn a Masters degree
24. Finish my scrapbooks

Grandkids

What is it about grandkids that makes us so … well, gaga? I’ve thought a lot about this over the past several days as I’ve been able to spend time with each of my four grandchildren. I have been crazy about each of them since the day that they were each born. None of them has come without some type of worry. I’ve worried about the health of both mother and child each time one of them has been born. Each of them has such a special place in my heart. I’m fascinated with each milestone in their lives whether rolling over for the first time, taking first steps, losing the first tooth, or losing the oxygen tubing. I’ve had some ignorant people make comments about how the fact that three of the grandkids aren’t really mine, but I laugh as I comment that they most certainly are. I love the comments about the fact that I look far too young to be a grandmother. Whatever it is, there is something so wonderful about being a grandma.

I love being a parent. I love watching the journeys that my children are taking in their lives. Sometimes the journeys are painful, and sometimes the journeys are glorious. But, watching the grandchildren adds a new dimension to everything. Through their eyes, I get to experience the joys of watching my children delight in their children. Through the eyes of the grandchildren, I can see the awareness of everything around them come radiating through. Through the eyes of my grandchildren, I see all of my hopes and dreams for their parents coming out. Through the eyes of my grandchildren, I see the bright and beautiful eyes of my children.

Being a grandparent is a double-edged sword, though. Not only do we celebrate when our children celebrate their children’s daily accomplishments, but we also feel their despair when their children are in jeopardy. Nothing is as wonderful as watching my child’s eyes light up with the joy of seeing his child’s smile; nothing is worse than not being able to take away my child’s anguish when he doesn’t know if he’ll see his child’s smile again.

I wouldn’t trade being a grandma for anything.

I Get Sort of Homesick Sometimes . . .

Today, I was homesick. I still am for that matter. But, my homesickness is difficult to describe, I fear. I went to Coalville today -- first time back in a year. I lived there longer than I've lived anywhere else in my life. My children grew up there. My family became a family there. I became a grandmother there. I raised chickens, grew a garden, renovated a house, made friends, wept tears of joy and sorrow, and totally immersed my life in that community. But, I found that as I drove into the valley, my homesickness wasn't for the place, but for the people. I was excited to see my favorite hairdresser. I was excited to eat at my favorite restaurant and talk with some of my favorite people from church and school. I was excited as I walked the halls of North Summit and heard the whispers of the past years lingering through the empty, summertime halls. There were bittersweet feelings as I drove through the community. But, surprisingly enough, as I drove past the house, I smiled and didn't feel the heartache that I felt last summer as I drove away from my home. Instead, I murmured a prayer of gratitude that I'd had that place and then drove back down the canyon to my parents' home.

I pondered homesickness today. The feeling of being homesick is more of a yearning for the things that make us who we are. Sometimes I yearn for the home I had before my birth. Sometimes I get really homesick for the home of my youth when my brother, sister, and I fought like crazy, but then loved playing with each other as well. That's the home of Mom's cooking, reading under the bedcovers, making boats out of the couch cushions, pulling out the sofabed and having Dad sneak in to scare us, making tents out of the quilts, watching for Dad's police car to come home, fishing with the family, camping, laughing, and going on some of our rides just to turn around once we got there because we'd arrived and that was good enough. Sometimes I really miss that time and our family.

I get very homesick for the times when my children were little. Being around the grandchildren has a way of doing that to me, especially the past couple of days when I have snuggled Jonathan and Lucas. I hunger to hold my infants again and to whisper things that I've learned to help make their lives a little less stressful. I would love to cherish the time that they were growing up just a little longer, noticing every little milestone with a more intensive microscope so that I could preserve those precious little details more fully in my heart as they moved on to the next step. Where did those years go?

I have pondered often the past 10 1/2 years with Mike. Those years have flown by! I've learned how to savor the times that Mike and I are together, but even still, there are days that I wish I could slow the clock down so that I can have more. The years of the new combined family are years that I wish we could relive so that once again we could make the most of the times that we were together -- whether spending more time at the lake, camping, family vacations, Sunday dinners, playing games, following the boys' sports, cutting Christmas trees, and just being together. I get homesick for those times -- I think Sunday dinner is the one I miss the most. If I could go back, I'd relax a lot more, be less critical, say "I love you" even more, and give more hugs.

Even as I reflected on the past today, I found myself homesick for my current home. Ever since Mike first took me to Alaska, I was homesick for a place that wasn't even truly mine. I was just a visitor, but I yearned for it all the same. I'm homesick for my husband and for our time together. Even when our lives get hectic and we're running in different directions, I get homesick for Mike if I don't have a chance to get a hug. His arms are a haven for me, one that I miss when life gets too crazy or I'm away. The family thinks we're silly sometimes, but that's ok. We're steady.

I miss the people who have touched my life whether as momentary visitors in my world or those who touched it in large ways and have altered it forever. Childhood friendships, high school pals, college roommates, teaching buddies, church family, best friends, siblings, parents -- they all have helped to shape me into who I am today. I wish sometimes that I could go back to share with them the significance that they've had in my life. I've tried at various times to remember to tell people like the beautiful lady who dropped into my life at one point and shared a Young Women's activity with our family which helped to change my life and bring me back to church. It's nice to know when we touch a life for the good, so I have always wanted her to know. It was rewarding to see her reaction as I shared the memory with her and thanked her. She had had no idea that her fulfillment of her calling had meant so much to me. Still does.

I know that when I leave Utah in a few days, I will be ecstatic to be home again. But, in no time at all, I will feel the pangs of homesickness once again as I leave the next generation that has snared my heart. My beautiful little girls who first laid the word "gramma" on my ears with their sweet voices. The big wonderful eyes of little Jonathan, and the sweet, tender heart of our baby Lucas. They have marked themselves permanently upon my heart and I will forever miss them wherever I am, even when I'm just in the next room.

I get sort of homesick, sometimes ... all the time. But, you know, the lesson I've learned and that I'm still learning is that because of these feelings, I need to seize every moment and suck the marrow from life. If I do this, then during those moments of homesickness, I can be content knowing that I have created wonderful memories worthy of missing.

What a busy summer!

I can't believe how incredibly busy this summer has been. After getting back from Utah on May 31, Mike and I dove right back into cabin work and garden building. I constructed three large garden boxes and hauled three loads of dirt (long-bed pickups hold A LOT of dirt!) in order to fill those boxes. I was a little late in getting things planted, but to date, I have one tomato (lots of blossoms), several green peppers, lots of potatoes, one little cauliflower, and a lot of strawberries growing. We'll see how things survive this coming week without me there to water. I'm trusting Mike, Meghan, and Cory to take care of things while I'm gone.

Cory and Mom Berezay landed in Alaska on July 1. Mom B stayed for two weeks. Cory is still here. Mike's Uncle Larry and Aunt Debbie came down from Fairbanks to help us put our power into the cabin. We have lights! We are actually living in the cabin! Next step is to get the plumbing all done. We've had a slower July, though, than we would have liked, but between lots of company and the beginning of the real fish runs, we haven't had a lot of time to work. Currently, Mike and Cory are working on the insulation. We have an outhouse thanks to Meghan, Cory, and Mike. I've been trying to keep food on the table and laundry done (it's expensive to go to the laundromat!) and help wherever my hands can help out.

Mom and Dad Grant arrived in Alaska the same day that Mom B headed home. It was fun visiting with everyone. Mom and I went for a fun-filled trip to Seward. We all went for a terrific ride out in the Caribou Hills with my brother Bob. And, of course, more fishing. Bob's wife Diana outfished us all with her huge king salmon. Cory was so jealous! Meghan and I learned what it was like to dipnet when Bob took us out last week. Meghan and I brought in 26 sockeye (reds) salmon. I've been smoking a lot of salmon -- it is so yummy! I'll try to get pictures of our summer posted soon. Our internet connection at home is pretty slow, so maybe while I'm in Utah I can get something together on here.

Now, I'm on my way to see my beautiful grandchildren. When I last was in Utah, Lucas had just come out of his second surgery, so I didn't get the chance to snuggle him like I desperately wanted to do. Mike promised me that I could go back before school started. So, now I'm in the Seattle airport waiting for my connecting flight. I get to snuggle Jonathan today and then cuddle Lucas in the evening. What a great life! Lucas has been home for about a month. He has continually improved. He now takes a bottle and is off of his specialized formula. His supplemental oxygen has been reduced to just nights. Grant and Kris asked if I wanted to babysit next weekend when they take time off to celebrate their first anniversary. They didn't have to twist my arm. Kris even warned me that it would require waking up every three hours to feed Luke, but not even the lack of sleep would keep me from this task. I hope that this week I can get a picture of all four grandkids together. Nicole has talked about going to Salt Lake as well so that she can meet Lucas. We'll see what happens.

A few weeks ago, I ran across a scrap of paper that had some of my feelings about Alaska on it. I've struggled for years with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). But, this past winter, I was surprised to find that my blahs were much lower than I've had in years. One day as I was driving home from town, it hit me that I was truly content with my life. I jotted down the following thoughts on January 31. When I was sharing my July with my mother and mother-in-law, some of these thoughts and emotions came out in our discussions. I wanted to post this here as well.

COMING HOME

No sadness so far this winter,

Looking for space – to find out who I am
Alaska – freedom – at peace
No longer searching, seeking
If there’s an answer, it’s just that it’s just that way!

What makes this so perfect?
I miss my family terribly,
But for the first time in my life –
I truly feel at home.

Looking to know and understand –
It’s a sweet, sweet dream
Sometimes I’ve almost been here
No longings or yearnings to be somewhere else.

I feel as if this has always been waiting –
This place, and
This man!

I watch the eagles fly past my window, hear their chortling.
Surrounded by mysteries of unknown flora,
Learning to adapt to nature’s challenges.
Longings and distant rhythms are finally silenced.

I’m always searching for the words to convey the swelling in my breast –
the reaching into my depths to express my joys –
my hunger for something unknown but so familiar.
Where is the word?
What is it?
How can I ever find it?

Mystic rhythms captured my heart, carried it away…
Brought it here…
Home!

Who would have thought completeness could occur
So far from the expectations of those who know me best?

~ 31 January 2009
Ninilchik, Alaska

Cabin Update

Mike, Meghan, and I have been working diligently at the cabin. Tonight we were able to get the beams up for the loft. Here are pictures from the past several days of work.

Our Little Cabin in the Woods

We're on our way! Last Monday, April 20, Mike and I went over to the property to check out the melting and to unload some supplies. To our surprise, our well had been drilled. That was the beginning. A couple of weeks before, a neighbor had been over with his bull dozer and "pioneered" a road into our building site. He came back later to clear brush and dig a trench for the electric company. Mike laid the electric wires and is now learning how to put the meter box together so that Homer Electric can come out and get the power from the pole to our meter box.

The weather has been cooperative. Mike spent a little time each night last week at the property. I went out a couple of nights to help. I have learned what it means to put something on the 16s and what the little red numbers on a measuring tape are for. I've learned that hurricane straps aren't long straps that you put around things to hold them down when hurricanes hit, but are actually metal pieces that are hammered into place that hold the frame onto the base of something. I've learned that Mike actually has a stubborn streak and that it's ok to compromise on the size of windows (I'll win on the big house, though, never fear!).

My brother Bob came over on Saturday to help us out. He got pretty excited over the nail gun and put together our steps to the cabin. We like them so much that we may just leave them there permanently. Today Bob had put up the back wall by the time Mike arrived from work. Together, they were able to finish the framing of the main floor. Tomorrow will see them starting on the loft. Things are really coming along. Mike promised me that once it all started, it would go quickly. He's right.

The greatest part of all of this is getting to be outside. The days are very long now -- nearly 16 hours of daylight. Even now as I'm writing this, it is 9:30 and the sunset is still not for another 20 minutes and even when it does set, there is still light for nearly an hour afterward. The geese are back and nesting. Songbirds are singing and chasing the eagles when the eagles get too close to the nests. Clammers have hit the beaches for the first big clamming tide of the season. Trees are breaking out with little fuzzy blossoms. And the snow is nearly gone. Meghan is moving back to the Peninsula on Saturday. School will be out in just over three weeks. The dogs love being outside too. Life is good.

Can You Hear the Drums Beating?

In the shadows of a distant land lived a white woman who was on a mission to teach correct grammatical principles to the indigenous peoples. Little did she know that the mystic mountain which loomed at the end of the trail of her nearest relative would stir the locals into a fevered pitch of excitement. The distant drumming throbs into the night as darkness comes later and later into the evening. If she looks closely, she can just make out the skiffs of the head hunters skimming across the open water. She wonders how long it will be before the cauldron fires are lit.

Heaven is a Place on Earth

I love those revelatory moments in life that come in odd moments like folding laundry when you suddenly realize that you’re happy. Simple things like listening to the radio and dancing to the tune as you go about your chores can bring wonderful insights. It doesn’t even matter that it’s snowing outside. It doesn’t matter that you’re living in a house you hate. It doesn’t matter that your children and grandchildren are far away. All is right with the world. Smoking volcanoes, eagles cruising across the view, the smell of purple hyacinths, mustaches, a student telling me how beautiful I am, a random hug from a kindergartner, coloring lady bugs, laughter, sea otters, watching the tide rolling in and out, tears, warm fingers, snuggling with my dog, a text message from a beloved child asking about General Conference, living with a priesthood holder who honors his priesthood, celestial families, the Atonement – how truly great life is.

How funny to have the music on the radio echo my sentiments –
“Ooh, baby, do you know what that’s worth?
Ooh heaven is a place on earth
They say in heaven love comes first
Well make heaven a place on earth
Ooh heaven is a place on earth”

Barbaraology

I thought this looked fun, so I decided to try it. I don't usually do these types of forwards, but I figured it didn't hurt anything. So, here goes.

You may try this also. Simpley re-post this as your name followed by "ology"

***********FOODOLOGY******

What is your salad dressing of choice? Homemade poppyseed

What is your favorite sit-down restaurant? Cafe Rio in Utah

What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of? Spaghetti

What are your pizza toppings of choice? Tomatoes & artichokes

What do you like to put on your toast? Tomatoes or eggs & cheese

Chocolate or Vanilla? Definitely chocolate

***********TECHNOLOGY***************

How many televisions are in your house? One that we actually use. There are two more that are in storage in the house.

What color cell phone do you have? PURPLE

Do you have a laptop? Yes, my trusty MacBook

***************BIOLOGY******************
Are you right-handed or left-handed? Right

Have you ever had anything removed from your body? Wisdom teeth, 2 lumbar disks, and some other useless stuff

What is the last heavy item you lifted? Sadie

Have you ever been knocked unconscious? Not that I can remember

************BULLCRAPOLOGY**************

If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? Maybe

If you could change your name, what would you change it to? I don't want to change my name again; it's too big of a hassle. Oh, wait...no I don't want to change my name. I'm content with the first and last one.

Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000? Probably

************DUMBOLOGY******************

How many pairs of flip flops do you own? Do Crocs count? If not, then none.

Last time you had a run-in with the cops? Ummm....yesterday in Soldotna.

Last person you talked to on the phone? Grant

Last person you hugged? Michael

**************FAVORITOLOGY****************
Season? Spring/Summer

Holiday? Christmas

Day of the week? Sunday

Month? July, duh

***********CURRENTOLOGY*****************

Missing someone? My children

Mood? Content and tired

What are you listening to? The heater

Watching? Nothing

Worrying about? Absolutely nothing. I gave it up. :)

***************RANDOMOLOGY****************

First place you went this morning? Church

Do you smile often? Yes. I try to smile as much as I can each day.

Sleeping alone tonight? Nope

Do you always answer your phone? Usually

It’s four in the morning and you get a text message... wrong number or drunken friend? Probably Meghan -- maybe a goofy student

What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic? Don't go to Sonic

Do you own a digital camera? Yes

Have you ever had a pet fish? Yes, Bonnie & Clyde and my mom boiled them in the window

Favorite Christmas song(s)? O Holy Night

What's on your wish list for your birthday? A HOUSE!

Can you do push ups? What's a push up?

Can you do a chin up? I can lift my chin up. Does that count?

Does the future make you more nervous or excited? Excited

Do you have any saved texts? Yes, good ones from my family that tell me that I'm loved or that I'm great

Ever been in a car wreck? 6 of them -- I was driving in two, asleep in two, and a little kid in two. How coincidental is that?

Do you have an accent? Not that I know of

Plans tonight? Head to bed after finishing this

Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom? Several times in my life, but then I get up and shake it off, and keep plugging along.

Name 3 things you bought yesterday? I bought whipping cream yesterday. That's it.

Have you ever been given roses? Yes! Mike actually just gave me a hyacinth on Friday. It smells wonderfully.

Met someone who changed your life? Michael

How did you bring in the New Year? Hanging out with Mike & Meghan. I think we went to bed early.

Do you have any tattoos/piercings? Just my ears

Does anyone love you? Yep! And you know what, it's great to have that knowledge!

What songs do you sing in the shower? I don't unless I'm really feeling silly!

Ever had someone sing to you? Yes. Fiona & Mia sang to me a few days ago on the telephone.

Have you held hands with anyone today? Yes -- Mike at Home Depot

Who was the last person you took a picture of? Mike wearing a mask after ashfall

What kind of music did you listen to in elementary school? Statler Brothers, Tom T. Hall, John Denver ... you know, the kind of stuff your parents listen to

Do you believe in staying close with your exes? No

Are most of the friends in your life new or old? Both. I'm still friends with those I left in Utah, and I'm making lots of new friends in Alaska.

Do you like pulpy orange juice? Yes

What is something your friends make fun of you for? Not my friends, but my children make fun of my haircut

Have you ever ridden an elephant? I vaguely seem to remember an elephant at the zoo but it could be a planted memory

Do you like to play Scrabble? Yes, but it has been a long time.

What are you saving your money up for right now? A HOUSE!

When is the last time you ate peanut butter and jelly? Probably a couple of months ago and it gave me indigestion.

Spring Break @ Deep Creek

On Saturday afternoon, Mike, Meghan, and I jumped into the truck with dogs and headed to the beach. Meg came from Anchorage on Friday to spend her Spring Break with us. Granted, 22 degrees in Alaska is not what most would consider the warmest spring break around, but it's still gorgeous! With Daylight Savings beginning on Sunday, we also have an extra hour of daylight in the evenings. Spring fever has really hit me! I want to be out in the garden! I want to ride my 4-wheeler! I want to break ground on my house! I'm ready to see some green. I think I'm beginning to understand why I've seen so many houses with house plants in the window. It helps! I think I'm going to paint my walls yellow! And green! And RED! Oh, wait, I already did that. The colors brighten my mood and lift my spirits when the winter blahs tend to grab at me.

Don't get me wrong, I still love the incredible beauty of Alaska. I'm constantly amazed that God created this incredible place. I wish that I could wrap the majesty of the place into the same space as the grandeur of the red rocks of southern Utah. Every day is a different view and a new experience. How blessed we are to live in such an incredible world. To quote one of my favorite people in the world, "What a nice Heavenly Father!"

Pondering

“Because I have been given much, I too must give…” I love that song! What a spiritually filling day today was. We heard so many wonderful testimonies, including and incredible group of Aaronic Priesthood holders who filled the back seats of the stand so that they could bear their testimonies. I couldn’t help but contrast these young men who shine with the light of the gospel in their lives with the boys that I teach. I have several young men who are great people but who lack the knowledge of the gospel. I wish that I could just stuff it into their heads, but I know that school isn’t the place for preaching. I just have to settle for setting the best example that I can.

Today’s Relief Society lesson was one that really struck a chord with me. It was based on President Uchtdorf’s talk at the General Relief Society meeting last fall. It’s titled “Happiness, Your Heritage” A couple of thoughts that I had as I listened to the lesson and again as I listened to President Uchtdorf’s talk as we drove home from church were how amazing it is when the right people are placed in the callings that they’re in, and that President Uchtdorf was definitely inspired as he prepared and delivered a talk that spoke to so many women who struggle with their own self-worth each day – me included.

President Uchtdorf spok of God’s happiness and how each of us can know it despite the trials that we’re asked to bear in our lives. He spoke of creating and being compassionate as two objectives which we should have in contributing to Heavenly Father’s perfect happiness. I know that the issue of creativity is something that a lot of people struggle with, especially those who think solely along the lines of a tangible object of art or music. So many people don’t realize that creating warmth in the home, friendships, joyful hearts, and strong family relationships are as important to God’s perfect happiness as those who are gifted with talents to produce tangible products. I love that President Uchtdorf emphasizes that each of us is given talents to create something – it’s just a matter of working to create where we are that is important for us to strive for. I thought about a comment that Meghan made once about not having any talents to put on display for a Young Women’s Evening of Excellence. Meg isn’t a crafty person, so her talents weren’t something tangible that she felt that she could display. Instead, she took a certificate that she was given in recognition of her work at the summit County Animal Shelter. She also took pictures of her with her nieces, showing how much she strives to create a relationship with them. I love President’s encouragement to start small in our creativity if we’re struggling to find ways to create and edify. “Try to see how many smiles you can create, write a letter of appreciation, learn a new skill, identify a space and beautify it.”

I also think about my own talents. I know that I’ve been given a talent to write. I also know that I’ve not utilized to the best of my abilities. I love to write, but I often make excuses for why I don’t get any writing done. I look at my binder of writing, and I find myself saddened to know that there isn’t a lot of writing for the past 10 years. But then again, I also look at the writing I did do in the early 90s. A lot of it was frustrations which were coming out as a result of the problems in my previous marriage. My happiness in my marriage to Mike have promoted a lot of thoughts and opportunities to write. Mike encourages me to write constantly, but I make excuses. I’ve grown out of the habit of journaling regularly. I’ve lost the ability to think in terms of things that I can jot down. I woke one morning with the dream of a story in my head. I also had the distinct impression that if I didn’t write this particular story, I would lose my gift. I set a goal to write 5 pages a week on the story. I’m still waiting for myself to get in gear to get some writing done. I make excuses such as time or lack of knowledge about the Book of Mormon (the setting for the story), when what I should be doing instead is to just get things written and the worry about filling in details afterward. I’ve made a lot of excuses over the years about writing once the kids are out of the house or not being able to write because the tv is always on and I need quiet in order to concentrate. Excuses. I just need to do it.

Love

I was contemplating my day a little while ago. I guess the winter finally caught up with me. I'm not totally surprised that it happened, just that it took longer than usual and then when it did, it hit me hard. I found myself, however, realizing that I brighten up when I get to come home from work and when Mike is around. He is truly my best friend. I'm grateful that he's my husband. Grant started having us look at the miracles in our lives each day. One day recently when I'd had a really bad day at school, I came home to Mike's grin. It is really difficult to be sad when Mike gets going. Some of his corny jokes and his contagious grin are just not easy to ignore let alone maintain a frowny disposition. Anyone who has been around him knows what I'm talking about. I love Mike’s smile! It seems that no matter what has gone on during my day, when I look up and see Mike smile at me with all the love that he has for me in his eyes, my world is all right. I know that Mike’s smile for me is special – mine. I love his mustache and the way that it frames Mike’s mouth. Between the length of the mustache and the wideness of Mike’s grin, he always looks so jolly. I’m grateful that he loves me and shows me how much he loves me with his smile.

Tonight as I was putting dinner away, my eyes glanced over a quote by President Hinckley that I have on the fridge. It states, "I have since come to know that love is more than a paper heart. Love is of the very essence of life. It is the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Yet it is more than the end of the rainbow. Love is at the beginning also, and from it springs the beauty that arches across the sky on a stormy day. Love is the security for which children weep, the yearning of youth, the adhesive that binds marriage, and the lubricant that prevents devastating friction in the home; it is the peace of old age, the sunlight of hope shining through death. How rich we are those who enjoy it in their associations with family, friends, church, and neighbors."

We are indeed blessed to know love. Our greatest example of love comes from our Heavenly Father and our elder Brother, Jesus Christ. That love is what life is about and I'm grateful that I am able to experience the joy of love as a wife, a mother, grandmother, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, and teacher.

Sunrise or Moonset?

As I arrived in my classroom yesterday morning, I glanced out my window to see this incredible full moon. Mike and I have been watching the moon slowly gain its fullness over the past several days. We've been awed to see how bright and huge it is, especially in the mornings just before it sets. It's difficult to see the glow that the moon casts on the water behind the tree, and I know that the picture truly doesn't do the scene justice. I was just trying to capture it as quickly as I could from my open classroom window. Again, I'm constantly amazed at the things I've seen since I've been here in Alaska. I'm thankful that I can experience this place. I look out across the inlet every day and can honestly say that I have never seen the same view. There's always something different to catch my attention whether it's ice fog, otters, the incoming or outgoing tide, huge ice chunks in the subzero temperatures, bald eagles cruising across my line of sight, barges hauling oil, an enormous winter moon, or the grumbling Mt. Redoubt. It's all good!

Volcano Alert

Since last Saturday after our earthquake, the big topic of conversation wherever you go is speculation on when Redoubt will erupt. Redoubt was placed on yellow status last fall, then was moved to orange status this past week which means 24-hour watch. Mike and I have been making sure that we have the things that we need to be prepared to time spent at home in case it erupts. School was canceled on the southern peninsula a couple of years ago when Augustine erupted, and the kids at school are hoping for a repeat this year. The volcano observatory reports higher than usual seismic activity. This has been an interesting thing to watch. A lot of the elementary kids at school have been pretty concerned, but for those of us in the high school, we're all hoping that it will erupt so that we can watch it from my classroom window. This picture was taken from my classroom window -- I do have a pretty awesome view for watching the show!

Not Much To Say

I set myself a goal to try to update my blog each week. Well, not much is running through my head right now. I probably should do this when the thoughts strike me.

One thing that just hit me. This morning I was watching a BYU-I Devotional entitled "Angels in Waiting." The speaker quoted a line from President Monson, "You never know whose angel you're supposed to be." I've heard President Monson speak along those lines before. The idea that we're here to be of service to others is something I think that more of us need to act upon. I know that I need to do better about being of service or more importantly, acting upon the promptings that I receive to do something for someone else -- even if it's as simple as just saying hello and meeting another person's eyes. I've found that even the grumpiest person can be soothed with a smile, a hello, and a meeting of the eyes. There's just something about looking a person in the eyes -- it's the peering into another's soul, I guess, that can bring out the best in each of us. At least that's the attitude I want to take.

What can each of us do to lift others around us? Can we ask how someone is and genuinely mean it enough to stop and listen? Can we drive out of our way on a coveted day off to find a coat and socks for a child who goes to school without any? Can we mow the neighboring church's lawn (not our denomintation) when we don't think anyone else is paying attention? Can we handwrite a note to someone when we suddenly think of that person out of the blue, just to let him or her know that we're thinking of them? The things that we do for others don't have to be spectacular. I think the greatest challenge is to just do for others. There are so many examples of service to others. Why can't we all emulate our Savior who was the greatest among us yet served the least of us by His loving sacrifice? Humans have such great heart, but too many are becoming jaded by the world to allow Christ's spirit of service to enter into their hearts and lives. Just yesterday, I mentioned to my beautiful daughter that it's not just about serving others, but allowing others to serve us as well. This is a difficult concept to handle as well, especially when one is accustomed to trying to do everyone for oneself.

These are just some rambling thoughts, I guess. Maybe there is more in my brain than I thought. What I do know is that we need to be a more loving people and share more of ourselves with those around us. When we share a part of ourselves with another human being, we actually gain more back than what we gave.

My challenge to everyone is to be someone's angel. Look and listen for opportunities to lift another person each day. Pray for those opportunities, and remember that they don't have to be monumental tasks. Even a smile can brighten someone's day.

Response to Grant

Something that I've learned over the years as I've been trying to "grow up" is that the concept of being an adult was created by unhappy individuals. We find ourselves so consumed with doing the grown-up thing, that we forget to take the time to enjoy the simple things -- stomping in mud puddles, dancing in the rain, floating down a river in 100+ degree weather. We're so worried about meeting deadlines and working so that we can take a vacation. Instead, we should be taking advantage of the moments that are presented to us throughout a day to laugh and to appreciate all that God has given us. I understand that some things are necessary -- providing for our family's needs is the most important -- but there is joy in that journey as well.

I've also learned that it's important to not compromise who I am in order to be who I think I should be. Music, books, movies, and such that I've enjoyed in my life are every bit as important to me as everyone else's enjoyments are to them. I found that I put my interests aside too many times throughout my life in order to make sure that others were happy. I found myself denying that I enjoyed certain things simply because I didn't want anyone to mock me. And you know what, I missed out on so many simple pleasures because of this need to please others. I feel that at times I lost some of myself. But, thankfully, age allows for a little wisdom. I have come to realize over the years, especially the past 10 years with Mike, that I need not take myself nor life so seriously. I CAN take the time to play. Digging in the dirt, riding my 4-wheeler through ginormous mud bogs, rolling on the grass with my granddaughters, eating cookie dough, simply stopping along the highway to ponder a double rainbow, or a moose, or the mist rising from a pond -- these are things I need to make time for each day.

Laugh, my son! Play, love, and learn, but remember to stay balanced in all that you do. You will lose yourself if you don't maintain the proper balance.

I dug out some of my old poetry. I wrote this is 1992. I wish I had been more avid about living this concept, but I'm learning. I guess it's another one of those moments in my life where I want my children to learn from my mistakes, but recognizing that they need to make their own mistakes so that they may learn from them as well.

Anyway, here it is...

PLAY COUNTS!

Remember the child inside
who strives to come out

Don't forget --
recognize your innocence.

Adulthood should only be a
figment of Imagination.

Responsibilities labeled "Adult"
should only be addressed by

Children who have mastered
the art of Childhood!

Then, can one truly understand the
necessity of stress-free living.

Christmas Finally Arrived!

After arriving in Seattle, we found that our flight to Salt Lake had been canceled and we’d been rebooked on a flight for the following evening. We could wait around on the standby lists and hopefully get out of Seattle on an earlier flight, but the chances of that were pretty slim. We did stick around for about 10 hours, hoping to get on an earlier flight, but finally, after being bumped from number 2 on the standby list to number 23, we decided to head for the hotel room that we had thankfully reserved earlier in the day. When we arrived at the hotel, we found that ours and one other reserved room were all that were available. In fact, the only hotel that the manager knew of with rooms available was across town. Everything was booked because of the huge storm that had hit Seattle. Even the Amtrak trains had canceled trips and the bus lines weren’t running either. Seattle isn’t used to getting the kind of storm that it had that weekend. Mike and I were a day later getting to Salt Lake than we had planned, but the advantage was that we were more fully rested for having spent the night in a comfortable, warm hotel room, and we were bumped up to first class for the trip to Salt Lake. We’d actually been able to fly first class from Anchorage too. I could get used to that.

When we arrived Monday night at Mom and Dad’s house, we were surprised to find Chad, Cory, Fiona, and Mia waiting for us. They were all so excited to see us and the feelings were very much reciprocated! I miss my children and grandchildren so much. I’m happy to know that they’re all living their lives and doing well, but I miss the interactions on a regular basis. Fiona and Mia spent the night with Papa and Gramma that night and then the next day they went to spend time with their mother. That gave Mike and me a chance to get the Christmas shopping finished that we needed to do on Tuesday – well, some of it

Poor Mom and Dad – the invasion only got worse! Meghan had been in Utah since the 16th visiting friends and her dad’s side of the family. Meg was dropped off at Grandma and Grandpa Grant's house on Tuesday, and then Mike’s mom and step-dad, Lorraine and Lloyd Berezay, came by with Chad and Cory later on that afternoon. There were people everywhere!

Bright and early Christmas Eve day, I was out grocery shopping for everyone and finishing up the last of the shopping. It was quite strange to not have everything finished before that. We also weren’t as elaborate in our gifts this year, but that’s ok. The greatest gift of the season beyond the birth of our Savior was the gift of being together as a family. Watching Meghan, Cory, and Chad banter and bicker as we played cards together was so fun. I’m grateful that after 10 years as a family, our children love each other and have grown to truly be brothers and sisters. I’m always thrilled when I hear someone comment about how neat our family is and that it’s difficult to tell which siblings are blood siblings. To me, that’s the success of our family.

Christmas Day was a beautiful snowy day. The only hitch to all of the snow was in knowing that Nicole and Jason were driving in it. Their normal three-hour drive from Twin Falls to Salt Lake took over eight hours on treacherous roads. Grant and Kristin came from Vernal after spending a few days with Kris’s family. They had some rough roads as well, but made better time than the Idaho kids. My sister Michelle and her family made the trip from Moab, so now the house was truly loaded! We had a great dinner which included the last of the homegrown turkeys from our house. Mom and Dad have a lot of room in their freezer now without that big bad boy in there. The turkey was too big for Mom’s oven, so we thought we’d use the roaster, only he was too big for that as well. I had to cut his legs off and pack them in around him in order to fit the entire bird into the pan. Boy was he tasty, though! When Nicole and Jason finally made it to the house, my world was complete! I listened to all of the noise and felt such a warm glow knowing that all of our children were there; our granddaughters were giggling and snuggling with us; our parents were with us; my sister’s family was there – I was truly content. Mom asked me later if Christmas was everything I’d hoped it would be. It most definitely was! I’m grateful to Mom and Dad for the use of their home. It’s big enough to accommodate everyone and there wasn’t much space that we weren’t using.