What a busy summer!

I can't believe how incredibly busy this summer has been. After getting back from Utah on May 31, Mike and I dove right back into cabin work and garden building. I constructed three large garden boxes and hauled three loads of dirt (long-bed pickups hold A LOT of dirt!) in order to fill those boxes. I was a little late in getting things planted, but to date, I have one tomato (lots of blossoms), several green peppers, lots of potatoes, one little cauliflower, and a lot of strawberries growing. We'll see how things survive this coming week without me there to water. I'm trusting Mike, Meghan, and Cory to take care of things while I'm gone.

Cory and Mom Berezay landed in Alaska on July 1. Mom B stayed for two weeks. Cory is still here. Mike's Uncle Larry and Aunt Debbie came down from Fairbanks to help us put our power into the cabin. We have lights! We are actually living in the cabin! Next step is to get the plumbing all done. We've had a slower July, though, than we would have liked, but between lots of company and the beginning of the real fish runs, we haven't had a lot of time to work. Currently, Mike and Cory are working on the insulation. We have an outhouse thanks to Meghan, Cory, and Mike. I've been trying to keep food on the table and laundry done (it's expensive to go to the laundromat!) and help wherever my hands can help out.

Mom and Dad Grant arrived in Alaska the same day that Mom B headed home. It was fun visiting with everyone. Mom and I went for a fun-filled trip to Seward. We all went for a terrific ride out in the Caribou Hills with my brother Bob. And, of course, more fishing. Bob's wife Diana outfished us all with her huge king salmon. Cory was so jealous! Meghan and I learned what it was like to dipnet when Bob took us out last week. Meghan and I brought in 26 sockeye (reds) salmon. I've been smoking a lot of salmon -- it is so yummy! I'll try to get pictures of our summer posted soon. Our internet connection at home is pretty slow, so maybe while I'm in Utah I can get something together on here.

Now, I'm on my way to see my beautiful grandchildren. When I last was in Utah, Lucas had just come out of his second surgery, so I didn't get the chance to snuggle him like I desperately wanted to do. Mike promised me that I could go back before school started. So, now I'm in the Seattle airport waiting for my connecting flight. I get to snuggle Jonathan today and then cuddle Lucas in the evening. What a great life! Lucas has been home for about a month. He has continually improved. He now takes a bottle and is off of his specialized formula. His supplemental oxygen has been reduced to just nights. Grant and Kris asked if I wanted to babysit next weekend when they take time off to celebrate their first anniversary. They didn't have to twist my arm. Kris even warned me that it would require waking up every three hours to feed Luke, but not even the lack of sleep would keep me from this task. I hope that this week I can get a picture of all four grandkids together. Nicole has talked about going to Salt Lake as well so that she can meet Lucas. We'll see what happens.

A few weeks ago, I ran across a scrap of paper that had some of my feelings about Alaska on it. I've struggled for years with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). But, this past winter, I was surprised to find that my blahs were much lower than I've had in years. One day as I was driving home from town, it hit me that I was truly content with my life. I jotted down the following thoughts on January 31. When I was sharing my July with my mother and mother-in-law, some of these thoughts and emotions came out in our discussions. I wanted to post this here as well.

COMING HOME

No sadness so far this winter,

Looking for space – to find out who I am
Alaska – freedom – at peace
No longer searching, seeking
If there’s an answer, it’s just that it’s just that way!

What makes this so perfect?
I miss my family terribly,
But for the first time in my life –
I truly feel at home.

Looking to know and understand –
It’s a sweet, sweet dream
Sometimes I’ve almost been here
No longings or yearnings to be somewhere else.

I feel as if this has always been waiting –
This place, and
This man!

I watch the eagles fly past my window, hear their chortling.
Surrounded by mysteries of unknown flora,
Learning to adapt to nature’s challenges.
Longings and distant rhythms are finally silenced.

I’m always searching for the words to convey the swelling in my breast –
the reaching into my depths to express my joys –
my hunger for something unknown but so familiar.
Where is the word?
What is it?
How can I ever find it?

Mystic rhythms captured my heart, carried it away…
Brought it here…
Home!

Who would have thought completeness could occur
So far from the expectations of those who know me best?

~ 31 January 2009
Ninilchik, Alaska

Response to Grant

Something that I've learned over the years as I've been trying to "grow up" is that the concept of being an adult was created by unhappy individuals. We find ourselves so consumed with doing the grown-up thing, that we forget to take the time to enjoy the simple things -- stomping in mud puddles, dancing in the rain, floating down a river in 100+ degree weather. We're so worried about meeting deadlines and working so that we can take a vacation. Instead, we should be taking advantage of the moments that are presented to us throughout a day to laugh and to appreciate all that God has given us. I understand that some things are necessary -- providing for our family's needs is the most important -- but there is joy in that journey as well.

I've also learned that it's important to not compromise who I am in order to be who I think I should be. Music, books, movies, and such that I've enjoyed in my life are every bit as important to me as everyone else's enjoyments are to them. I found that I put my interests aside too many times throughout my life in order to make sure that others were happy. I found myself denying that I enjoyed certain things simply because I didn't want anyone to mock me. And you know what, I missed out on so many simple pleasures because of this need to please others. I feel that at times I lost some of myself. But, thankfully, age allows for a little wisdom. I have come to realize over the years, especially the past 10 years with Mike, that I need not take myself nor life so seriously. I CAN take the time to play. Digging in the dirt, riding my 4-wheeler through ginormous mud bogs, rolling on the grass with my granddaughters, eating cookie dough, simply stopping along the highway to ponder a double rainbow, or a moose, or the mist rising from a pond -- these are things I need to make time for each day.

Laugh, my son! Play, love, and learn, but remember to stay balanced in all that you do. You will lose yourself if you don't maintain the proper balance.

I dug out some of my old poetry. I wrote this is 1992. I wish I had been more avid about living this concept, but I'm learning. I guess it's another one of those moments in my life where I want my children to learn from my mistakes, but recognizing that they need to make their own mistakes so that they may learn from them as well.

Anyway, here it is...

PLAY COUNTS!

Remember the child inside
who strives to come out

Don't forget --
recognize your innocence.

Adulthood should only be a
figment of Imagination.

Responsibilities labeled "Adult"
should only be addressed by

Children who have mastered
the art of Childhood!

Then, can one truly understand the
necessity of stress-free living.