"I Have Wandered. . .

. . . from a more exalted sphere."

I'm listening to the Sounds of Sunday on the BYU satellite radio station. The Mormon Tabernacle Choir came on singing my favorite hymn "O My Father" written by Sister Eliza R. Snow. So many times throughout my life, I've pondered the words of this song and felt such a strong yearning for Home.

I know that when I was younger, I was usually struck with the words of the second verse:

For a wise and glorious purpose
Thou hast placed me here on earth
And withheld the recollection
Of my former friends and birth;
Yet ofttimes a secret something
Whispered, “You’re a stranger here,”

I had such strong desires to push the veil aside to see what I'd forgotten. I remember at times I would sit on my bed in my room, close my eyes, and try with all of my might to push through to unblock my memories. I so look forward to the day that I “remember” all that I can’t remember now. My niece Jordan came to visit us a few years ago, right after my second granddaughter Mia was born. Jordan sat down with Mia who was just a couple of weeks old. Jordan looked up as she cradled Mia in her arms, and with tears sliding down her cheeks pondered aloud about Mia’s newness from our Father in Heaven and what she could tell us if she could talk. I remember feeling the same as I held my babies when they were tiny – what could they tell me about where they’d just come from. What did they still remember? My mother tells of my sister Michelle “talking to angels” when she was a baby. I don’t doubt that there’s still such a connection between the newly born and heaven.

Another aspect of the song that I’ve always loved is in the third verse as Sister Snow ponders our heavenly parentage and reasons that we must have a Heavenly Mother as well as our Father.

In the heav’ns are parents single?
No, the thought makes reason stare!
Truth is reason; truth eternal
Tells me I’ve a mother there.

I’ve pondered our Mother, as well, over the years. What is she like? How does she feel as she watches her children here upon the earth? I know how I feel as a mother when I watch my children choosing paths that I know will hurt them. I know the joy that I feel when I witness my children excelling and progressing in their lives. I know the wonder of tiny hands in mine as they excitedly tugged me toward their newest discoveries. I know the feel of those tiny hands growing into adulthood and still feeling the urge to grab my hand for a squeeze now and then. I know of the absolute, all-consuming love that I feel for my children, those of my body and those I have added to my heart through marriage, and I can’t help but have a glimpse into how our Mother must feel as well – mother to Mother.

I guess that as I've grown older, the final verse really strikes a chord as I ponder what my purpose is here on earth.

Then, at length, when I’ve completed
All you sent me forth to do,
With your mutual approbation
Let me come and dwell with you.

What exactly has been my mission and what is the direction that He would have me go in this chapter of my life? Will my Father be proud of what I’ve done with my life – what I’ve tried to do? I long to be physically wrapped within his embrace, but I know that it’s not time yet. I can wait. I love this life and the experiences that unfold daily around me. I’m thrilled to view each new sunrise and sunset, and I marvel that I am a part of this creation. I can only imagine what the Celestial kingdom will be like if I have the model of this earth to compare it to. God’s creations on earth are magnificent, so our heavenly home must be truly glorious!