Pondering

“Because I have been given much, I too must give…” I love that song! What a spiritually filling day today was. We heard so many wonderful testimonies, including and incredible group of Aaronic Priesthood holders who filled the back seats of the stand so that they could bear their testimonies. I couldn’t help but contrast these young men who shine with the light of the gospel in their lives with the boys that I teach. I have several young men who are great people but who lack the knowledge of the gospel. I wish that I could just stuff it into their heads, but I know that school isn’t the place for preaching. I just have to settle for setting the best example that I can.

Today’s Relief Society lesson was one that really struck a chord with me. It was based on President Uchtdorf’s talk at the General Relief Society meeting last fall. It’s titled “Happiness, Your Heritage” A couple of thoughts that I had as I listened to the lesson and again as I listened to President Uchtdorf’s talk as we drove home from church were how amazing it is when the right people are placed in the callings that they’re in, and that President Uchtdorf was definitely inspired as he prepared and delivered a talk that spoke to so many women who struggle with their own self-worth each day – me included.

President Uchtdorf spok of God’s happiness and how each of us can know it despite the trials that we’re asked to bear in our lives. He spoke of creating and being compassionate as two objectives which we should have in contributing to Heavenly Father’s perfect happiness. I know that the issue of creativity is something that a lot of people struggle with, especially those who think solely along the lines of a tangible object of art or music. So many people don’t realize that creating warmth in the home, friendships, joyful hearts, and strong family relationships are as important to God’s perfect happiness as those who are gifted with talents to produce tangible products. I love that President Uchtdorf emphasizes that each of us is given talents to create something – it’s just a matter of working to create where we are that is important for us to strive for. I thought about a comment that Meghan made once about not having any talents to put on display for a Young Women’s Evening of Excellence. Meg isn’t a crafty person, so her talents weren’t something tangible that she felt that she could display. Instead, she took a certificate that she was given in recognition of her work at the summit County Animal Shelter. She also took pictures of her with her nieces, showing how much she strives to create a relationship with them. I love President’s encouragement to start small in our creativity if we’re struggling to find ways to create and edify. “Try to see how many smiles you can create, write a letter of appreciation, learn a new skill, identify a space and beautify it.”

I also think about my own talents. I know that I’ve been given a talent to write. I also know that I’ve not utilized to the best of my abilities. I love to write, but I often make excuses for why I don’t get any writing done. I look at my binder of writing, and I find myself saddened to know that there isn’t a lot of writing for the past 10 years. But then again, I also look at the writing I did do in the early 90s. A lot of it was frustrations which were coming out as a result of the problems in my previous marriage. My happiness in my marriage to Mike have promoted a lot of thoughts and opportunities to write. Mike encourages me to write constantly, but I make excuses. I’ve grown out of the habit of journaling regularly. I’ve lost the ability to think in terms of things that I can jot down. I woke one morning with the dream of a story in my head. I also had the distinct impression that if I didn’t write this particular story, I would lose my gift. I set a goal to write 5 pages a week on the story. I’m still waiting for myself to get in gear to get some writing done. I make excuses such as time or lack of knowledge about the Book of Mormon (the setting for the story), when what I should be doing instead is to just get things written and the worry about filling in details afterward. I’ve made a lot of excuses over the years about writing once the kids are out of the house or not being able to write because the tv is always on and I need quiet in order to concentrate. Excuses. I just need to do it.

Love

I was contemplating my day a little while ago. I guess the winter finally caught up with me. I'm not totally surprised that it happened, just that it took longer than usual and then when it did, it hit me hard. I found myself, however, realizing that I brighten up when I get to come home from work and when Mike is around. He is truly my best friend. I'm grateful that he's my husband. Grant started having us look at the miracles in our lives each day. One day recently when I'd had a really bad day at school, I came home to Mike's grin. It is really difficult to be sad when Mike gets going. Some of his corny jokes and his contagious grin are just not easy to ignore let alone maintain a frowny disposition. Anyone who has been around him knows what I'm talking about. I love Mike’s smile! It seems that no matter what has gone on during my day, when I look up and see Mike smile at me with all the love that he has for me in his eyes, my world is all right. I know that Mike’s smile for me is special – mine. I love his mustache and the way that it frames Mike’s mouth. Between the length of the mustache and the wideness of Mike’s grin, he always looks so jolly. I’m grateful that he loves me and shows me how much he loves me with his smile.

Tonight as I was putting dinner away, my eyes glanced over a quote by President Hinckley that I have on the fridge. It states, "I have since come to know that love is more than a paper heart. Love is of the very essence of life. It is the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Yet it is more than the end of the rainbow. Love is at the beginning also, and from it springs the beauty that arches across the sky on a stormy day. Love is the security for which children weep, the yearning of youth, the adhesive that binds marriage, and the lubricant that prevents devastating friction in the home; it is the peace of old age, the sunlight of hope shining through death. How rich we are those who enjoy it in their associations with family, friends, church, and neighbors."

We are indeed blessed to know love. Our greatest example of love comes from our Heavenly Father and our elder Brother, Jesus Christ. That love is what life is about and I'm grateful that I am able to experience the joy of love as a wife, a mother, grandmother, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, and teacher.

Sunrise or Moonset?

As I arrived in my classroom yesterday morning, I glanced out my window to see this incredible full moon. Mike and I have been watching the moon slowly gain its fullness over the past several days. We've been awed to see how bright and huge it is, especially in the mornings just before it sets. It's difficult to see the glow that the moon casts on the water behind the tree, and I know that the picture truly doesn't do the scene justice. I was just trying to capture it as quickly as I could from my open classroom window. Again, I'm constantly amazed at the things I've seen since I've been here in Alaska. I'm thankful that I can experience this place. I look out across the inlet every day and can honestly say that I have never seen the same view. There's always something different to catch my attention whether it's ice fog, otters, the incoming or outgoing tide, huge ice chunks in the subzero temperatures, bald eagles cruising across my line of sight, barges hauling oil, an enormous winter moon, or the grumbling Mt. Redoubt. It's all good!

Volcano Alert

Since last Saturday after our earthquake, the big topic of conversation wherever you go is speculation on when Redoubt will erupt. Redoubt was placed on yellow status last fall, then was moved to orange status this past week which means 24-hour watch. Mike and I have been making sure that we have the things that we need to be prepared to time spent at home in case it erupts. School was canceled on the southern peninsula a couple of years ago when Augustine erupted, and the kids at school are hoping for a repeat this year. The volcano observatory reports higher than usual seismic activity. This has been an interesting thing to watch. A lot of the elementary kids at school have been pretty concerned, but for those of us in the high school, we're all hoping that it will erupt so that we can watch it from my classroom window. This picture was taken from my classroom window -- I do have a pretty awesome view for watching the show!

Not Much To Say

I set myself a goal to try to update my blog each week. Well, not much is running through my head right now. I probably should do this when the thoughts strike me.

One thing that just hit me. This morning I was watching a BYU-I Devotional entitled "Angels in Waiting." The speaker quoted a line from President Monson, "You never know whose angel you're supposed to be." I've heard President Monson speak along those lines before. The idea that we're here to be of service to others is something I think that more of us need to act upon. I know that I need to do better about being of service or more importantly, acting upon the promptings that I receive to do something for someone else -- even if it's as simple as just saying hello and meeting another person's eyes. I've found that even the grumpiest person can be soothed with a smile, a hello, and a meeting of the eyes. There's just something about looking a person in the eyes -- it's the peering into another's soul, I guess, that can bring out the best in each of us. At least that's the attitude I want to take.

What can each of us do to lift others around us? Can we ask how someone is and genuinely mean it enough to stop and listen? Can we drive out of our way on a coveted day off to find a coat and socks for a child who goes to school without any? Can we mow the neighboring church's lawn (not our denomintation) when we don't think anyone else is paying attention? Can we handwrite a note to someone when we suddenly think of that person out of the blue, just to let him or her know that we're thinking of them? The things that we do for others don't have to be spectacular. I think the greatest challenge is to just do for others. There are so many examples of service to others. Why can't we all emulate our Savior who was the greatest among us yet served the least of us by His loving sacrifice? Humans have such great heart, but too many are becoming jaded by the world to allow Christ's spirit of service to enter into their hearts and lives. Just yesterday, I mentioned to my beautiful daughter that it's not just about serving others, but allowing others to serve us as well. This is a difficult concept to handle as well, especially when one is accustomed to trying to do everyone for oneself.

These are just some rambling thoughts, I guess. Maybe there is more in my brain than I thought. What I do know is that we need to be a more loving people and share more of ourselves with those around us. When we share a part of ourselves with another human being, we actually gain more back than what we gave.

My challenge to everyone is to be someone's angel. Look and listen for opportunities to lift another person each day. Pray for those opportunities, and remember that they don't have to be monumental tasks. Even a smile can brighten someone's day.

Response to Grant

Something that I've learned over the years as I've been trying to "grow up" is that the concept of being an adult was created by unhappy individuals. We find ourselves so consumed with doing the grown-up thing, that we forget to take the time to enjoy the simple things -- stomping in mud puddles, dancing in the rain, floating down a river in 100+ degree weather. We're so worried about meeting deadlines and working so that we can take a vacation. Instead, we should be taking advantage of the moments that are presented to us throughout a day to laugh and to appreciate all that God has given us. I understand that some things are necessary -- providing for our family's needs is the most important -- but there is joy in that journey as well.

I've also learned that it's important to not compromise who I am in order to be who I think I should be. Music, books, movies, and such that I've enjoyed in my life are every bit as important to me as everyone else's enjoyments are to them. I found that I put my interests aside too many times throughout my life in order to make sure that others were happy. I found myself denying that I enjoyed certain things simply because I didn't want anyone to mock me. And you know what, I missed out on so many simple pleasures because of this need to please others. I feel that at times I lost some of myself. But, thankfully, age allows for a little wisdom. I have come to realize over the years, especially the past 10 years with Mike, that I need not take myself nor life so seriously. I CAN take the time to play. Digging in the dirt, riding my 4-wheeler through ginormous mud bogs, rolling on the grass with my granddaughters, eating cookie dough, simply stopping along the highway to ponder a double rainbow, or a moose, or the mist rising from a pond -- these are things I need to make time for each day.

Laugh, my son! Play, love, and learn, but remember to stay balanced in all that you do. You will lose yourself if you don't maintain the proper balance.

I dug out some of my old poetry. I wrote this is 1992. I wish I had been more avid about living this concept, but I'm learning. I guess it's another one of those moments in my life where I want my children to learn from my mistakes, but recognizing that they need to make their own mistakes so that they may learn from them as well.

Anyway, here it is...

PLAY COUNTS!

Remember the child inside
who strives to come out

Don't forget --
recognize your innocence.

Adulthood should only be a
figment of Imagination.

Responsibilities labeled "Adult"
should only be addressed by

Children who have mastered
the art of Childhood!

Then, can one truly understand the
necessity of stress-free living.

Christmas Finally Arrived!

After arriving in Seattle, we found that our flight to Salt Lake had been canceled and we’d been rebooked on a flight for the following evening. We could wait around on the standby lists and hopefully get out of Seattle on an earlier flight, but the chances of that were pretty slim. We did stick around for about 10 hours, hoping to get on an earlier flight, but finally, after being bumped from number 2 on the standby list to number 23, we decided to head for the hotel room that we had thankfully reserved earlier in the day. When we arrived at the hotel, we found that ours and one other reserved room were all that were available. In fact, the only hotel that the manager knew of with rooms available was across town. Everything was booked because of the huge storm that had hit Seattle. Even the Amtrak trains had canceled trips and the bus lines weren’t running either. Seattle isn’t used to getting the kind of storm that it had that weekend. Mike and I were a day later getting to Salt Lake than we had planned, but the advantage was that we were more fully rested for having spent the night in a comfortable, warm hotel room, and we were bumped up to first class for the trip to Salt Lake. We’d actually been able to fly first class from Anchorage too. I could get used to that.

When we arrived Monday night at Mom and Dad’s house, we were surprised to find Chad, Cory, Fiona, and Mia waiting for us. They were all so excited to see us and the feelings were very much reciprocated! I miss my children and grandchildren so much. I’m happy to know that they’re all living their lives and doing well, but I miss the interactions on a regular basis. Fiona and Mia spent the night with Papa and Gramma that night and then the next day they went to spend time with their mother. That gave Mike and me a chance to get the Christmas shopping finished that we needed to do on Tuesday – well, some of it

Poor Mom and Dad – the invasion only got worse! Meghan had been in Utah since the 16th visiting friends and her dad’s side of the family. Meg was dropped off at Grandma and Grandpa Grant's house on Tuesday, and then Mike’s mom and step-dad, Lorraine and Lloyd Berezay, came by with Chad and Cory later on that afternoon. There were people everywhere!

Bright and early Christmas Eve day, I was out grocery shopping for everyone and finishing up the last of the shopping. It was quite strange to not have everything finished before that. We also weren’t as elaborate in our gifts this year, but that’s ok. The greatest gift of the season beyond the birth of our Savior was the gift of being together as a family. Watching Meghan, Cory, and Chad banter and bicker as we played cards together was so fun. I’m grateful that after 10 years as a family, our children love each other and have grown to truly be brothers and sisters. I’m always thrilled when I hear someone comment about how neat our family is and that it’s difficult to tell which siblings are blood siblings. To me, that’s the success of our family.

Christmas Day was a beautiful snowy day. The only hitch to all of the snow was in knowing that Nicole and Jason were driving in it. Their normal three-hour drive from Twin Falls to Salt Lake took over eight hours on treacherous roads. Grant and Kristin came from Vernal after spending a few days with Kris’s family. They had some rough roads as well, but made better time than the Idaho kids. My sister Michelle and her family made the trip from Moab, so now the house was truly loaded! We had a great dinner which included the last of the homegrown turkeys from our house. Mom and Dad have a lot of room in their freezer now without that big bad boy in there. The turkey was too big for Mom’s oven, so we thought we’d use the roaster, only he was too big for that as well. I had to cut his legs off and pack them in around him in order to fit the entire bird into the pan. Boy was he tasty, though! When Nicole and Jason finally made it to the house, my world was complete! I listened to all of the noise and felt such a warm glow knowing that all of our children were there; our granddaughters were giggling and snuggling with us; our parents were with us; my sister’s family was there – I was truly content. Mom asked me later if Christmas was everything I’d hoped it would be. It most definitely was! I’m grateful to Mom and Dad for the use of their home. It’s big enough to accommodate everyone and there wasn’t much space that we weren’t using.